Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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