How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
