everyone is single if you try hard enough
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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