you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
