i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
