i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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