Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
