You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
