Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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