he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
