Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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