I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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