Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
