haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
