oh god the rape fog is back!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
