I could make wine with my vomit
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish you could order shots online.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
