I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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