you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
