He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
