Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
