:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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