I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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