My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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