I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
