you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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