we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
