just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
