He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
