No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
