ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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