my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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