Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
