I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
