Nicole vs. Life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
