there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
