there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
