got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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