I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the condom got lost in my hair
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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