Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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