i think my mom watched the whole time
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
