Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
