what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everclear isn't food dammit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
