**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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