I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
