Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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