He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
