Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
