i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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