it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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