im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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