Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
