Swine flu. Run for my life!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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